Gloomhaven’s Most Eligible Bachelor

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Tyson Fraleigh - March 4, 2021

Gloomhaven is a city filled with adventure, danger, and peoples of all varieties. And, with your help, it could also become the new city of love.

Feeling lonely in the time of COVID? Looking for the special someone to keep you warm at night, to write you love poems… or kill entire legions of enemies for you? Well, I am happy to introduce you to Gloomhaven’s Most Eligible Bachelor. Let’s see if we can set you up with your next start up character.

The Tough Guy – Brute

He may not say much, but he has a lot to offer. He can be your knight in shining armor, astride a horse, ready to save you from the tyranny of that dragon that kidnapped you.

Actually, there are not a lot of dragons in Gloomhaven – more likely to be flesh eating rats. But all the same really.

This big boi keeps up to date with all the recent health trends, keeping his starting HP real high. He is a little bit of a weapon nut, so you will have to consider that if having too much gleaming metal on the walls is going to be a turn off. But, if you’re still down, you are going to have one swol helping hand around the house.

Mr. Grey – Cragheart

Cragheart is a rough and tumble hunk looking for love. Just as powerful and buff as the Brute, the Cragheart offers large damage outputs to anyone around them – including you if you stand too close.

Destruction and power are the Cragheart’s two greatest desires. Destruction is in the short term, allowing him to get into the fray and kill enemies that surround him. Power is the long term, leading too… well…

Actually, now that I think it over, I think we are going to send Cragheart home. We are not in the business of mixing love and power.

The Drama Queen – Mindthief

The Mindthief is a fickle lover to get a grasp on. He’s fast, moving from spot to spot, not staying anywhere for too long. He is a storyteller of a kind – an endless gossip. He loves to access peoples minds and learn their secrets, then spill them later.

The Mindthief LOVES to make people start to hate each other. This guy loves nothing more than making allies into enemies. Passive aggression is an understatement with this guy.

Look, we were a little desperate finding contestants. Just skip this one too – the amount of mind games this guy plays with your emotions, it’s not worth it.

The Heartbreaker – Scoundrel

We need to warn you about our next bachelor – she never sticks around for long. She knows what she wants, and most of the time it’s just something for the evening. However, never say never – she may find something long term if you are something real special.

Quick witted and fast on the draw, the Scoundrel knows how to deal with things at a distance. Whether it be wielding a bow or an eyebrow, she knows how catch what she’s looking for.

You think you have what it takes to go toe to toe with this one?

The Sapiosexual – Spellweaver

Elusive, smart, and a workaholic, the Spellweaver has some crazy potential in the world. She is a master of numerous arts and domains across Gloomhaven. The Spellweaver often offers her party boosts while also wielding some very powerful and dangerous arcane powers.

She is often considered the fulcrum for any party – at the last moment, when the battle could seem too much, the Spellweaver could perform that one heroic feat that could change everything. Just don’t expect her to be able to be the front of the battle – time spent pouring over books does not lend itself to a high HP.

The Big Heart – Tinkerer

They say that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but maybe this guy could have helped. Smart, generous, and with a heart of gold, the Tinkerer can make any hopeless romantic’s heart melt.

The Tinkerer is an artist at heart. He crafts arcane items to be able to protect Gloomhaven and his friends. He also has a medical degree, giving him the ability to heal the wounded in his party. While he may not be the strongest or the fastest, a man who works for the world can go a long way.

So, let’s summarize – a doctor, inventor, and community organizer who wants to help those around him? Swoon much?